Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
