Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
