they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
