Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize