why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The ass gains better be worth it
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