Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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