i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
