this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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