I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
