Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
