so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
