She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
