I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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