You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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