She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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