Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
