Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
