DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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