If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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