if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
