Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
