Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
