First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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