chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
