Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
