do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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