Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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