If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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