I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
