real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
