just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
