i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
