So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize