i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
