Where did you get a picture of my penis
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
