Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize