well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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