just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
