i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So squirting runs in the family.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
