But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize