I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i now understand why vodka
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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