Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
