They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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