i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
