why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize