Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
