I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
