Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
well, you know. whores of a feather.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
