I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
