and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
