dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
