I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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