You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
