did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
