I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
