I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
