Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
