a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
