Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize