But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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