C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
