My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
