apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
