Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize