this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
