Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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