I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
