but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize