I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just gargled with NyQuil
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
