i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
