I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Pants are for mortals
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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