its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
