there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just took my morning after pill in the library
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
