Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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