I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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