YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize