She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
