Duck Duck Cougar?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
