I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
