You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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