i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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