from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
