You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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