I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
