at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
