Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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