I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
