I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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