I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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