whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
