i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My balls are so social today.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize