I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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