She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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