I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
