I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
