But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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