R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize