I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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