my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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