im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
